It was love at first sight when I was two months old and my oma (grandma) met me for the first time at the airport. She had just moved back to the United States from Germany and she was back for good. Now tall tales may be told in families, but so the story goes that I ‘jumped’ out of my mother’s arms and into my oma’s arms where we both fell in love. Now how a two month old jumped I don’t know, that’s just how the story goes. It may seem strange to call your grandmother your soulmate, but the close bond that we had from that time until her death was undeniably soulmate material.
I’ve found that maintaining home organization can be a big challenge for my clients who have inherited their loved one’s belongings after death. It can be difficult to let their belonging go. It can be hard for clients to even face opening boxes or closets that hold their loved one’s clothing or household items. Sometimes people are ready to let go of items right away, but sometimes those boxes just have to sit for a while until they can be faced further into the grieving process. There’s no wrong or right time.
When you are ready to face those belongings and make some decisions, this is what I suggest:
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Take your time. Get the support of someone caring to help you if you need it.
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Don’t keep anything that you don’t like because you feel obligated to. Surround yourself with things you love in your home.
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Remember that the items your loved one had were theirs and in their taste. It doesn’t mean you will like the items and you don’t have to. Heck, maybe they didn’t even like them anymore!
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Really just keep the items that have special meaning to you and help you remember what was unique about that person. Maybe they were artistic so you can display some of their art supplies. I helped one client take her dad’s physician’s lab coat out of a cardboard box to hang it up where she could see it.
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Keeping things stuffed in a box just to feel like you are keeping it doesn’t count. Either take it out to enjoy, display or use it or pass it on to someone who will.
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Take photos of items you might want to remember but you don’t want to keep.
So, what is it that I kept? I kept one blouse and one sweater hanging in my closet because they represent the style of clothing my oma wore. I kept one bottle of her perfume and, yes, sometimes I spray it; fragrances are powerful reminders. I kept a few miscellaneous kitchen items and candles that I’ve already used up. But here’s what was really important to me. When I was little I always played with this tin of buttons at her house. I really wanted that tin of buttons. Well, my mom recently gave it to me and it was no longer in the original tin! At some point my oma moved them all into a boring, square cookie tin. A cookie tin wasn’t included in my memories. Sooooo, I found a glass vase and loaded it up with the buttons and displayed it on the shelf in my office. I was thrilled with myself! Now every time I look over at the shelf I can see and enjoy those buttons that have real meaning to me.
Surround yourself with a few special items without overwhelming yourself with a household full of someone else’s belongings. May your loved one stay close in your heart and dear in your memories. I love you Oma.
