“If you know when to say no, then you’ve got what it takes.”
Sissy Gavrilaki
There’s a plethora of ways that our time and energy can be pulled in different directions. Just a few ways that pop into my head are family obligations, business commitments, meetings, volunteering for events or on boards or committees, church activities, social events, self-care activities and school functions. That’s a lot and I’m sure that’s not even a fraction of the examples for what people have going on in their lives.
Think about your time in relation to a cramped and cluttered closet. You can push and shove things into a closet until you can barely shut the door. And then that’s it-you can’t add any more or the door is going to burst open. Well, we only have so much time in our days and we can only add so many things to our schedules before something gives like our sleep or our health. Knowing when you should say no is critical to staying balanced and not running around feeling stressed and stretched too thin.
So, how do you know when to say no or when it’s appropriate to say yes to a request on your time or energy? A great first step is to set goals for yourself. If you don’t know what you want in life, it’s easy to just go with the flow and say yes to everything that comes your way. But when you have goals for yourself, you then have a benchmark to hold these requests against. Does the request help you reach your goals or take you further away from them? For example, if your goal is to lose 30 pounds and a friend asks you to train for a 5k, then it may be something you want to say yes to. If your goal is to lose 30 pounds and a friend asks you to take a cake decorating class together, maybe the answer should be no.
Another benchmark to help you decide whether you should say yes or no is to ask yourself if you want to do this or if you feel obligated to do this. If it’s because you feel obligated, that’s usually a good indication that you should say no. Someone else who is a better fit and will enjoy the task more will step up and say yes. You’re not really doing anyone a favor by saying yes to something you don’t want to do. Don’t say yes out of guilt or obligation.
How should you say no? It can be difficult to flat out say no and it may even feel rude. It’s okay to practice and figure out what feels right to you. Here are a few options to get you started:
- Thank you, but I already have too much on my plate right now.
- Thank you, but this isn’t a good fit for me right now.
- Thank you, but I already have another commitment.
- Thank you for thinking of me, but this isn’t something I can do right now.
And sometimes it’s a good fit for us to say yes. You may consider saying yes if a request for your time and energy fits your goals, is something you’re excited about, if it’s something that comes easily to you and if you have the time in your schedule to do it.
Choose where you say yes wisely so you can enjoy the time and energy you spend on that activity!
“The road to success is always under construction.”
Lilly Tomlin
